Learning to Deal
by Sakura Nigumi
Summary: This is a first person narationvariation of Sango's feelings. I know that there are lots of these out there, but this is what I feel she is feeling... It that makes any sense...


**Disclaimer**

I don't own the Characters of Inu-Yasha. That's it. They aren't mine. 

This is a One-shotter. It's how Sango feels about what's going on in her life, and how she thinks is the best way to deal with it. At least, what I think is what she's feeling… By the by, it's in first person.

This is most likely going to be the first of a one-shot series that I am thinking about doing. Please write in your reviews of what you think, and if I should post the entire series.

There is a story behind this fan fiction. I'll tell it afterwards though. Now, Please enjoy!

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Learning to Deal

Sometimes, I like to wander off from the others at night when they're asleep. Just to clear my thoughts. To think, and ponder what's going on in my life.

But that's not the only reason. I love the feel of being out and alone, feeling the wind pull at my hair, and assault my face with it's power. To see the stars up in the sky like I used to with my father and Kohaku.

Family. I miss them. I miss my father, telling me what I need to work on so I can be a better demon hunter. I miss sitting with Kohaku and telling him stories of past hunts, and stories of mother.

As I think about my family, I can feel a single tear get past my guard and fall down my clod face. Scalding a trail down my skin. Their memory still burns deep into my heart. I will never forget them. Especially my last memories of them. 

When Kohaku had his first hunt and was taken under a spell of the demon spider. I remember what it felt like to have everything I thought I loved come crashing down on me with one simple mistake on my behalf. I should have paid more attention to my younger brother. I should have made sure he was safe. 

But I wasn't. And now he's dead. Along with my father and all the other members of our village. Because I was too stupid to realize that it was a trap. A decoy mission. I know what some of the villagers thought about me. That I am just the village leader's stupid, spoiled daughter. And sometimes, I think their right.

I was stupid. Stupid. If it wasn't for me, We would all be living happily together in the village. Kohaku would be working hard and training to be the new village leader. But, deep down I know that he doesn't like exterminating demons. He loves all living things… But father wouldn't hear of it. 

Poor Kohaku. He really was a good person. He didn't deserve to die. Then get reborn from a Shikon shard and be forced to try and kill everything in his way.

I know I really shouldn't dwell on the past. But, on clear nights like this, I can't help it. I miss them. I miss being that close to anyone.

I know I have friends now. Kagome-chan, Inu-Yasha, Shippo, and most of all, Houshi-sama. 

I really care about my friends. I would do anything for them. Sure They make their mistakes, but so does every other human and youkai.

I know I made a few when I first met them. But they're still there for me. And I'm glad they are. I would most likely kill myself if I thought I would be alone for the rest of my life. 

I shiver every time I think about it. The though of being truly alone scares me. I've never been so alone before in my life. I a way, I am alone. I have no one who can relate to me. 

But that's not true. Inu-Yasha knows. He knows what it's like to be different. And Alone. Albeit he knows from a different way. Although, I'm not so sure on how it's different. He really only shares his life's secrets with Kagome-chan. In a sense she is the only one he can trust. And I envy the two of them.

Kagome-chan would never know what it's like to be truly lonely. She still has family that care about her. She has friends surround her every day. All she worries about is her studying and trying to sort out her feelings for Inu-Yasha. Even though a simpleton could see that they are in love with each other.

I'm not entirely sure on why Shippo travels with us. But I do know that he acts as though Kagome-chan were his mother and Inu-Yasha were his father. It's cute how he sort of shows them that they are meant to be each other. Even though this Kikyo person gets in the way of them at times. 

But I do see in his little kitsune eyes that he lost a great deal. And at such a young age; it's sad really. In a way I pity him. I just hope that Inu-Yasha will be kind to him.

Now, Miroku. He is a pain. When I first met him, I was actually battling Inu-Yasha. But, then I was under the power of the Shikon no Tama. I later saw him burying the dead of my village with the others. That touched me deeply. It sent an arrow straight through my broken heart. To see people to Whom I have no previous knowledge of giving proper burials and setting flowers on their graves made me want to cry right then and there.

But my demon hunting training made me fight it. As I recall those memories, tears fill my eyes, and I let them fall freely. Their kindness moved me. And their future kindness moved me even further.

There are times, however, when I wish to kill the lecherous monk. Like when he gropes me to no end… or when those lecherous affections fall upon another woman.

To tell the truth, it hurts. It sends a chilling pain though my heart. For some reason, I can't stand his perverted ways. But then, when he turns those actions to others, it hurts. I sometimes wonder that as I sit out here at night. Am I jealous that I am not the only one getting his attention? Oh Kami, I hope that's not the case.

At times, I wish he would only direct his ways to me. For some reason, his smile, his cocky attitude, everything about him, makes me feel like I wanna get to know him. Everything about him. All his pains, all his happiness. 

But, then I realize. What if he won't open up to me? What if I am not the only one he thinks of? What if he never thinks of me that way, but only as a way of getting offspring. But, then again, the most he ever does is grope me, and occasionally peek at me bathing.

I slam my fist down at the ground in frustration. Why am I thinking this way? I was trained to be a warrior. Strong and brave. But know I am acting like a frail woman? True, I am a woman, but I never acted like this before I met him. Before I met Miroku. Before I met Houshi-sama…

I let out an anger scream into the cold night air. Tears stream down my face as I think even more about him. The more I think about him, the more frustrated and confused I become. Why does he have to be in my thoughts day in and day out? Why does he have to invade my dreams? My very being?

It scares me at how much I see myself falling deeper and deeper in love with the lecherous fool. I fight it, but I feel myself loosing every time he smirks. Every time he comforts and tells sage advise. I feel myself loosing to him.

I sigh as is get back up to my feet and walk slowly back to the others. It will be dawn soon and I better be there when the others wake up.

As I near the group I see Miroku, sitting up, sleeping against a tree. His monk's staff resting on his shoulder. A small smile plays across my face as I watch him from afar.

As I see him there asleep, he reminds me of a small child. Innocent, helpless.

I take a few steps closer to him, making sure not to make a single sound lest I wake him. I lean in slowly, and lower myself so I can become eyelevel with him. As I do this, I wonder what he's thinking. I lightly place my lips over his in a small kiss. As I right myself, a blush evident on my burning cheeks, I hear him murmur and move slightly in his sleep and freeze.

As he calms a bit, he whispers softly, "Sango…" and drifts back to sleep.

My blush deepens slightly as I hear this. Is he dreaming about me? Could it be possible that he shares the feelings I'm hiding?

I fall back on the ground near Kagome-chan and Kirara and close my eyes, only to find myself sleeping, and dreaming of a future with all my new friends. But, most importantly, I see myself with Miroku. Happy.

Maybe I could learn to heal from my losses with my new friends' help? Maybe I could really learn to deal with my feelings as well… Maybe…

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Well? What did you think? I hope you readers like it! 

I had a hard time writing this fic. I had to try my hardest not to cry. This fic has a lot of hidden meanings in it that even my closest of friends might not be able to pick out.

This fic has the most "me" in it. I feel very close to the character Sango, I had a hard time putting those kind of feelings down on paper. Or in this case on screen. 

I hope you all like this fic. I know, I didn't really tell the story behind this fic, but I will later on, I swear!


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